Always Amazing Amber…

There are two kinds of defensive behavior.

There’s good defensive behavior:
1.You’re driving down the freeway and the other guy tries to change lanes on top of you. So, you respond with a defensive manuver to avoid an accident.
2.You’re playing big D for ASU against UofA in the Homecoming football game and you sack the quarterback. Now, that’s good defensive behavior.

Then, there’s bad defensive behavior (particularly at work):
1.Over explaining yourself to your boss when you should have kept your mouth shut – especially if you know you are even the tiniest bit wrong. Bad.
2.Someone comes up with an idea or suggestion and they are immediately assaulted for their enthusiasm (to contribute to the team) by being told that their services aren’t needed. Not Good.
3.Taking comments too personal and over-correcting people in conversation. Embarrassing later on.

I have been on both sides of each of the items at work. It’s tough no matter how you slice it. The trick is though, not to make a mess of the situation either way. You must leave yourself (and the other person at times) some wiggle room to back out gracefully (or with whatever dignity you can scrape off the floor). Sometimes it is too late for that, however, and you will be at the mercy of those in the arena around you. Regardless, you must always file the incident away in memory to avoid stepping on the same trapdoor next time. Similarly, you must retain consciousness of it so that you do not exhibit the same undesirable, ungraceful behavior to some poor sap that forgot to think about how they might have appeared offensive to you. Do unto others…etc… Of course, you can become bait without having been offensive at all. Its just a matter of how twisted the motives are of the one baiting you – to tip your hand over something as simple as a personal opinion, or goading you into relaying some detail from another particular arena of interest to them. Motives are funny things. And it turns out that everyone has an agenda.

In my experience, some work environments are more defensive than others. I don’t know if the source of it matters, but I do know that it is a continually perpetuating thing once it starts. It is very hard to equalize the climate again – everyone is trying to one-up each other or protect themselves at every turn. But then again, I take that first part back – if it’s coming from the top down, it’s a big problem. It becomes its own culture. People walk on eggshells and flinch at the slightest piece of information that catches them off guard or sounds remotely contrary to their way of thinking. Defend, defend, defend the territory.

Maybe sometimes, it is just a part of a person’s personality. When that is the case, the behavior tends to be isolated to those rare flare-ups for that individual. I don’t find it to be as pervasive a condition throughout every area of the organization. Granted, some areas aren’t that way at all. Oh, why can’t we all just evolve at the same rate?

The following analogy should not be inferred or assumed to be illustrative of any real life events or representative of any actual persons. Note: if the following causes heartburn, seek prompt medical attention, grab a glass of milk (or antacid for the lactose intolerant), and call it a silly piece of art and move on.

A bright spotlight casts a startling halo around my feet. I hear the clack, clack clack of chains lifting and cinching heavy iron gates into place. A low rumble of vicious snarls and growls surround me.. I take a step forward and hear the gasp of a hundred voices. I hesitate. As I collect my feet together, I try to remain still. I realize, I have become the bait. Did I put myself here again? Could I have avoided it? I don’t know, but I hope they kill me quickly. It’s easier that way than to be maimed again.

Although, if I live, I can just return to my cave. I can continue my task to move the rocks from one pile to the other pile and back again. I feel the breeze of some large furry thing whisk by. My imagination runs wild as I try to perceive the sensation a second time for clues. In anticipation of the blow to come, I squeeze my eyes shut and a shiver rattles my spine. Yet nothing happens. What’s going on? What are they waiting for? I open my eyes and see nothing in the blackness beyond my spotlight. My spectators are now silent. The snarls and growls reduce to a thrumming, eager purr. The kind of purr that happens just before a pounce. Oh when will this strange night end?

Feel sorry for that person, geez. The poor wretched soul.

Tomorrow’s blogging word of the day: Prodigy

Final thoughts:

Getting paid less to take on more, stinks.

Getting paid enough to take on more, but putting up with defensive behavior from others, really stinks.

Getting paid more to do less and keep you nose clean, ideal…

…But still very hard to stick to for OCD types.

Hm. Back to the desk.

I saw the coolest thing in my son’s autism resource classroom today. His teacher had a YouTube video of a dance routine playing so all the kids could imitate and follow along. She had it projected onto the whiteboard using a laptop and video projector. It was “The Cupid Shuffle”. It was so neat to see all the kids do the steps! I grabbed Nathaniel’s hand and did it with him once. The teacher kept it on a loop until she decided to change videos. She tried to do a search of the “cha cha slide”, but was not able to bring it up. Apparently, she lost her internet connection and the fun was over for the afternoon… (I think one of the kids stepped on the network cable ). In any case, it was great to see technology being used this way in the classroom.

Ironman was awesome! I love Robert Downey Jr. in this role. They wrote it perfectly for him and his delivery was right on. He’s the ultimate come back kid. I LOVE IT! I can’t wait to see Ironman II - you know its coming….

To the menu at right, please find cool new stuff. There is new content on the “About Amber” page as well as all new pages about my current writing projects. The newest of the new pages, however, deliver quality information about children’s developmental needs (see “Child Awareness”) and coming soon, information about nurturing the family (see “Family Awareness) and marriage (if you’ve got one, its worth taking care of! see “Marriage Matters”).

Previously, I had struggled with the exact content of this website. Of course, blogging is blogging and it has its own rhyme, reason, and flow. But the other pages presented a particular challenge. I didn’t want it all to be an “ode to me”, or celebration of myself. I wanted it to have purpose and utility. As I stop fighting the particular path of personal development I am taking - stop fighting it and just accept it for what it is and where I am at this particular moment I - I find that I’ve really got to acknowledge where I’ve been to make any sense of where I am going. It seems writing about what I knew I should have done, but deliberately went against, is becoming more and more therapeutic by the day. Good counselors are hard to find, and even harder to be honest with about yourself when you’ve already made up your mind to do what you wanna do…even if that includes self-destructing. But self-examination of the heart is the tool that God still uses to deliver the most effective dose of conviction - prescription strength, you might say.

Whoa. Didn’t mean to get so heavy on you. Just wanted to tell you to check out the new content. I stayed up way late to post it. It’s gotta be good for somethin. Nite!

Note that I have moved the pics of Sophie to a MySpace account. They were bogging down this site a bit and making the page slow to load. Besides, MySpace has more space for stuff like that AND its free! Happy browsing! www.myspace.com/alwaysamazingamber

Hey, I want one of these puppies. I got to hold one today - and let me tell you it is luxe! I love it and I want one. My next phone is gonna be an iphone. Period.

http://www.apple.com/iphone/

In December 2005, I received word that a journal entry I wrote (two years prior) was accepted as a short story submission into a book titled, God Allows U-Turns: The Choices Teens Make. The story I wrote was about the time I did a dumb thing as a result of peer pressure, but even though I did it, God still loved me and He even helped me get myself out of it. It was a total character building process. The story behind the reason I submitted the entry in the first place is completely purpose-driven and blessed by God as well. Here is the url link to view the list of contributing authors: http://www.godallowsuturns.com/?id=57. After that, here’s the info about the book and a way to order it. Just follow the linked title to amazon.com. Enjoy!

God Allows U-Turns for Teens

This powerful collection of stories from real-life teens offers encouragement and support as you overcome poor relationships with your parents, physical or sexual abuse, drug addiction, or painful consequences. With God all things are possible. Are you ready for U-turn?

I am glad that I am almost done with my last class for my Developmental Disabilities Certificate (finally!). I have a boat-load of assignments to do and only one more week of class remaining. This weekend will be BUSY! Then I get to apply to the program for my certificate - woo-hoo! I am considering enrollment in several writing classes this fall instead of core classes (towards my BA degree). This is because I want to be able to work on my writing projects while on FMLA/Maternity leave in the spring. I will have the structure I need to actually get the projects done (or at least one of them). Two fiction novels (one fantasy, one not), a screenplay and a couple children’s books. After my first short story publication success, I am jazzed and ready to go! But, timing is everything…

I think Shane could agree with these two statements. In honor of his last vacation, I’m posting these rarely before seen photos.

The first picture is the view we had on the day we went - November 30th 2006. It was the only day it rained over the entire countryside. We took a series of trains and buses from Dublin @ 5am to Galway, and got back to Dublin @ 9pm. It was “lashin” rain (thanks Liam) the whole time, and we had to earn our hike (to the observation point of the Cliffs) every step of the way. It was awesome. Between the rain and the swirling mist coming up from the ocean, the wind blew so hard that it really felt like it was going to whisk you over the edge and far, far away. We had two other brave souls accompany us (fellow tourists on the bus) to the observation point, but even they turned back almost immediately. At that point, we were all alone up there, just the three of us. Again, this first photo is the view we had while the raindrops kept falling on our heads!…

The second picture is the same view (with the castle tower viewable on top the ridge), except it is just a bit farther away. Obviously we didn’t take the picture. I found it out on the internet and posted it here for comparison.

In the third picture, this is the spot where Shane felt the wind, and so did I. Of course, I went past the sign that says not to go past it. I had to concentrate really hard not to slip and be blown off the edge. Amongst the tears, it was an amazing site (and sensation!) to behold.

Here we are, two soaked American tourists (and two very tired parents!).